Favoritism over love?

The NY Times recently conducted a new poll that revealed 65% of mothers admitted to having a favorite child. The local radio stations were appalled that such could be the case, and even more so that mothers would admit it.

One caller shut them all up when she said, "You're acting as if the words love and favor are interchangeable. I don't think they are."

I completely agree.

On most any day in our house, there is one child that has been better behaved. At that time, on that day, that child is my "favorite". One of my children is currently on his own and making very, VERY poor decisions. I love him and support him any way that I can, but his actions disappoint and worry me. I pray every night that he will soon make his way back into my "favorites" circle, but I fear I will continue waiting for a while to come. All I can do is let him know that he is loved.

There are days when all of my kids are excellent. Loving, cooperative, respectful and playful. On those days, they are all favorites. However, there are also days when they're all little snots and find the invisible switches inside their heads that turn off their ears and manners. On those days, I try to sell them.

Then, as is more commonplace, there are the days where the younger kids cuddle, love, listen and help where as the older child continues to profess how cruel and unfair we are and how she can't wait to turn 18. On those days, she is NOT my favorite. But I still LOVE her.

Despite their behavior, despite their appalling attitudes at times, I love them all the same. I love knowing that even though they choose to defy my orders, they're learning to think for themselves. I love that despite their poor behaviors, they're learning to be held accountable for their choices. I love that, usually, 10 minutes after an argument or meltdown, they're able to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, apologize and move on. I love watching them become their own people, figuring out what works for them and what makes them happy. I love seeing first hand how they think, what logic makes sense to them, and watching them figure out things for themselves.

What a unique and indescribable gift it is to be a mother. What an awesome miracle it is to see your children grow up, knowing that they all came from the same genetic makeup but are all so completely different. What fun it is to face each and every day knowing that you love them and that they love you.

While it may be true that all of my kids may not be my favorite every day, they do know that I love them regardless. And, let's face it...chances are, if one child isn't my favorite that day....I'm probably not their favorite either.