Don't get me wrong, I am forever thankful for the opportunities that moving to AZ has offered me. I have an amazing job, I'm close to a lot of my family members, and I own a house. I am content. I accept that, at this time, this is where I need to be.
Still, my heart aches for a place to call home. I so long to live in a rural small town...land as far as the eye can see...horses, and farms, and simplicity. Living through climate changes once known to me as SEASONS...breathing crisp fresh air, hearing nature's music and witnessing at every moment her splendid beauty. I long to surround myself with honest, selfless, goodhearted people, whose kind gestures are simply kind hearted gestures and don't come with strings attached. I dream of rolling fields, riding horses, and playing with my kids in fields that seem to go on for miles.
I fear that my kids are loosing sight of what is important in life; what life should be about. Despite my constant attempts to tie them down to good values, the value of a dollar, and the feeling after a job well done, they seem to be slipping away to the putrid beliefs of society. I can't help but think that a strong dose of simplicity, nature and hard work is just what they need. I secretly cry because I can't give them the environment they need...that I need...that we all need... to thrive.
One of my brothers makes mention (almost routinly) that he can't understand why my mom, now living in rural PA, chose to go back to her simple life after she raised us in a very urban society. I, on the other hand, can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to. After fighting rush hour traffic, crowds everywhere we go, feeling the need to constantly keep up with the Jones', and being constantly let down by fake friends, there is no where I would rather be. Perfection, in my mind, is sitting high on the back of a horse, overlooking acres of untouched land as the sun sets behind the mountains.
Home is where the heart is.
If that saying holds any truth, then Arizona is not my home. My heart has somehow traveled the land, and currently resides in a beautiful state called Montana. I find comfort in knowing that I will not rest until we are at last, one day, reunited, and I can at last be happy to know that I have found my way home.
2 comments:
I know exactly what you mean!
It's nice to be in a convienent city, but ohh to go home to the country is bliss....
My dearest Mel, You are most like me than anyone else. You actually "get" what is important in this life. I'm so happy that we were able to show you some of the beauty in my home. It's funny....When I was young, I couldn't wait to get away from the rural life....to experience the big city and the rush of life. In the end, coming back "home" was my salvation. As long as you have a goal, you'll get there. If Montanna is where your heart is, you'll make it. I love you!
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