Erik, that is. Even though I don't think he'll admit it yet, he misses us and his life BC (before communication...between him & his mom). We, on the other hand, have NO PROBLEM telling him daily (albeit through text messaging...teens) that we miss & love him.
It's a weird place that we are with him now...knowing that we raised him but that (at the moment) we currently have NO IDEA what he's up to in his life or any control over his decisions. We have no idea who he's become during the last few months living with his mom. Even though my impressions & feelings of her are far (far far far...far) less than positive and sunny, I am grateful that he was able to see her (and things there) for what they really are and not as he "remembered" them. I am thankful that he is able to get some things answered that he has bottled up for the last 11 years, and that he's able to meet his sisters.
Having said that...I miss him. A lot. Which is weird, because while he was here our lives were dark & unhappy. The night he left was the first night I had slept at peace since...I couldn't even remember. Our family is finally "functional", where as before is was the perfect example of dysfunctional. It was so weird to NOT have him here for his birthday, and it's going to be so weird to NOT have him here for Thanksgiving or Christmas either. But, I know this is good for him. I know that since we let him go, he will realize sooner than later that he does love us...that he did belong to our family...and that we all loved him.
He asked me today about options for a visit during his winter break. Unless he's got a stash of cash somewhere, the visit is more of a dream than reality. Sadly, since this IS a lesson learning experience for him, we are not offering to fund the visit. There are a few additional reasons as well:
a. He put us through hell and back so that he could leave
b. it's about time that his Mom paid for something
c. most likely he will be spending the majority of his time with his friends
I think it is important for him to learn that even though we love him and miss him terribly, he chose the path to leave...he can find his own way home. I have learned through my own life lessons that things are MUCH more valued once achieved on your own.
I know now that at least there are more things I can be thankful for this year.
Erik loves us after all & that the most difficult decision we ever made 4 months ago, to let our 16 year old son meet his mom, chose to be the right one. Sometimes if you love someone, you have to let them go. If they truly love you, they'll find their way home (hopefully wiser & more mature).
3 comments:
Who is Erik?
Am I missing something?
Erik is my step son. Long story short, his mom's rights were terminated when he was 6, but she found him on myspace in June & he went psychotic...literally. We decided that the only thing that could help him was to let him go, and by that I mean live with his mom who is a walking liar, manipulator and...many other horrible things. Long story...probably doesn't make sense to you still.
I see said that blind man. I'm so glad that at least Erik had you as a mom to love him.
It's hard to let them go, but sometimes they need to learn the hard way.
Prayers are sent your way :o)
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